Asking Eric: Patient wants to date long-time dentist

DEAR ERIC: I have had the same dentist for the past 15 years. Within the last year, I have found myself wanting to know him on a personal level. I know he is not involved in a relationship, and he seems interested as well. How should I proceed?

– Makes Me Smile

DEAR SMILE: First, find a new dentist. The American Dental Association’s Code of Ethics states, “Dentists should avoid interpersonal relationships that could impair their professional judgment or risk the possibility of exploiting the confidence placed in them by a patient.” So, if he were to date you while you were under his care, he risks compromising himself. All relationships between patients and medical professionals are built on trust. Patients are in vulnerable positions and divulge personal information, so medical professionals have a duty to treat that vulnerability with care so as to avoid harm, intentional or unintentional.

He also puts himself at risk. For instance, if a relationship with a patient went sour, he opens himself up to accusations of malpractice.

So, before making any moves, stop seeing him professionally and start seeing someone else. At that point, you could – could, not should – reach out through nonprofessional means (so, not his office number) to gauge his comfort with a personal connection. But you really ought to be careful, almost to a fault. It’s not appropriate for him to express interest in a relationship with a patient, especially one he’s been seeing for 15 years. Honestly, it’s better to direct your well-cared-for smile elsewhere.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)