Dear Abby: Man feels used after getting involved with married neighbor and considers spilling the tea

DEAR ABBY: I’m a gay man living in a predominantly straight community. About a year ago, a married couple moved in. One day, the husband asked me to come over and help him put a table together, which I did. He thanked me by opening a bottle of wine. Then he asked me what turns me on. I thought the question was unusual, but I didn’t hold back -- I showed him.

We’ve had more encounters since then, and now I’m feeling used and thinking about telling his wife. I think she deserves to know her husband might be gay and sleeping with other men. He used some “gay lingo” that makes me think I may not be the only one.

I heard there were some other neighbors talking badly about gays, and he didn’t defend or take up for us. That upsets me, too. What do I do? They live a few doors down, and it’s uncomfortable when I see him and his wife. She’s always waving and is a sweet lady. -- RETHINKING IN FLORIDA

DEAR RETHINKING: Your mistake was becoming involved with a married man. You may feel “used,” but remember, you went into that affair enthusiastically. I do not think you should be the person to tell his wife her husband might be gay. (He could be bisexual.) The person who delivers that tidbit should be her husband, if she doesn’t already know. As for you, it’s time to step out of the picture, don’t you think?

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.