Dear Abby: My father-in-law offered to watch my kids but I hesitate to accept his offer

DEAR ABBY: I’m a single parent, and my kids' grandfather (my father-in-law) has offered to watch them at his house once a week. I would love to take him up on it because it would help me keep up with all of my responsibilities. But I hesitate because he wasn’t an involved father, so he has no parenting experience.

For example, he struggles with conflict management between the kids (and his own temper). He has no sense: I do not trust he knows what or when to feed the kids. Also, his house is a complete mess -- he never throws anything away.

My kids enjoy spending time with him, and we don’t have much family, so I’d like to foster their relationships. How do I maximize the good and minimize the bad of their visits? How do I support him doing the best by my children without me being overbearing? -- MOM WITH HELP

DEAR MOM: Some of the issues you raise can be resolved by simply talking to your father-in-law and telling him how YOU resolve conflicts between the kids, what you want them fed and when. A messy house is different from one that could have a negative impact upon their health. How bad is it? Does the place pose a danger to your children? Is it possible that he could babysit at your house rather than his?

Regarding his temper, however, are you absolutely sure he won’t abuse your children if he loses it? If the answer to that question is no, then babysitting cannot be allowed.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.