Miss Manners: I consider ‘you can come if you want to’ an insulting way to offer an invitation

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always considered the phrase “You can come if you want to” -- as in, “I’m having a party and you can come if you want to,” or, “We’re getting together for lunch and you can come if you want to” -- to be an insult.

In these cases, it sounds like I am just an afterthought and not really wanted. If the person wanted me to be there, they should say “Please come” or “Please join us.” What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That you can decline if you want to.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)