Dear Annie: 31-year-old is ‘constant source of conflict’ in his father’s marriage

DEAR ANNIE: I’ve been married for 23 years, but my husband’s 31-year-old son has been a constant source of conflict. He’s manipulative, turns his father against me, and has lived with us multiple times due to homelessness, jail and house arrest. Recently, I caught him going through my purse, and he only attempted a weak apology over the phone, which I didn’t accept -- so he never apologized again.

I’ve had to install security cameras just to feel safe. He has a history of failed relationships and issues with women, yet my husband refuses to see the problem because he desperately wants a relationship with him. The tension is unbearable; I have no peace at home and feel like checking out emotionally just to cope.

How do I reclaim my home and my sanity when my husband refuses to set boundaries? -- Stepson Problem

DEAR STEPSON PROBLEM: You don’t have a stepson problem; you have a husband problem. His refusal to set boundaries is enabling his son’s behavior at your expense. At 31, this man is not a troubled child; he is a grown adult creating chaos in your home.

Have a serious talk with your husband. Make it clear that you will no longer tolerate being disrespected, manipulated or feeling unsafe in your own home. If he refuses to put your marriage and well-being first, you may need to consider your own next steps -- whether that means separating yourself emotionally, physically or both.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.